The Bible gives the creation of God’s marriage covenant in Genesis 2:23–24: “The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called “woman,” for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” God created Adam/man and then made Eve/woman from Adam to be his helpmeet and for them to be co-heirs together under His hierarchal design for the marriage covenant with Jesus being the head of both husband and wife. Ephesians 5:23 gives the understanding that marriage is to be a shadow and a semblance of Christ and the church. The giving of Christ’s life for the benefit and saving of the church and the joyful willing submission of the church (the wife) under Christ’s (the husband’s) deserving headship.

Money matters in marriage are still one of the leading causes of arguments and subsequent divorce in marriage. Given this fact it is vital that you and your spouse agree on who is best skilled at paying the bills, retirement planning and managing the finances. From that starting point a budget needs to be created with the purpose of setting money aside to give to the Church/people in need, for retirement, pay bills and have fun with. Once you both agree on the point person for finances and the budget the majority of money decision will have already been made before the money challenges arises. It will just be a matter of holding the line on the budget while allowing for grace and freedom as unexpected things arise that were not previously agreed upon. If there are major disagreements on the budget or financial decisions seeking community to counsel you both is vital yet the final decision is granted to the husband following the Biblical order for marriage.

The Bible does command all Christians to forgive all individuals including anyone considered an enemy, given that Christ gave you the free gift of eternal life and direct relationship with God. It is from this place of being forgiven we are to forgive even if “I am sorry” is never said by your spouse or an attempt to reconcile is made. Jesus states in Matthew 6:15 that if we forgive not other’s trespasses our trespasses will not be forgiven. The word forgiven that Jesus uses translates to let go, to omit, and to go away from the transgression done against you. When it comes to forgetting you may never forget the past hurt or transgression in your head but biblically if you forgive your spouse like we are called to forgive the past transgression should not come up in an argument to strengthen your point, be a cause to withhold goodness or influence your decisions. If a past hurt or transgression keeps invading your thoughts ask your spouse if you can set a time for you both to unpack the past hurt, that they have truly been forgiven from but is still trying to take root in your heart.

No one should submit themselves to a marriage/spouse where there is physical abuse or a present adulterous affair. Given abuse or adultery is not present, it is the wife’s command to submit to her own husband AS if he was Jesus. Ephesians 5:24 makes it clear “Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” The submit in everything makes no out for if your husband is being nice or unloving. It is ultimately submitting unto God and giving service and unconditional love to your husband when he doesn’t deserve, it which is the model Christ gave you to follow.

This is a very common question as the design of marriage is to work on the selfishness and ugliness of your heart so that you can be more like Jesus. If you and your spouse have never been to marriage counseling and there is a question if you should go the answer is with great probability, Yes, you should go. It is wise to find a way to agree on the cost, frequency of visits and the specific counselor. Christian marriage counselors will not tell you what to do but assist you connecting with Biblical truths of how you need to love and serve your spouse unconditionally as unto God. If there is any history of abuse, addiction. documented mental illness or adultery within the marriage you and your spouse will have a high risk of divorce if Christian marriage counseling is not made a part of the healing process.

This is a common challenge in marriage, not one correct answer and the challenge can come in seasons as you and your spouse grow older, navigate life/work changes and not to mention factoring kids into the mix. 1 Corinthians 7:4 reinforces the biblical truth about sex in marriage which is the husband nor the wife does not have authority over their own body but the authority has been given freely to their spouse. 1 Corinthians 7:5 also encourages, “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be by consent for a season, that ye may give yourselves unto prayer, and may be together again, that Satan tempt you not because of your lack of self control.” These are not a scriptures that gives you the biblical right to force yourself on your spouse sexually, coherence them or to not give affection and emotional engagement, but the opportunity to see where intimacy could have been breeched and take time to repair that breech with your spouse. If there is not a breech to repair or after the breech has been repaired it is your spouses responsibility to protect the marriage bed by doing the work to make themselves more available by pursuing you with creativity and responsiveness to your request. And for you to connect non-sexually with your spouse unconditionally in ways that are unique to them as they grow in their responsiveness and willingness to be sexually available. This can only come from within and a leading of the Holy Spirit to change their heart concerning sex and your heart as you serve them unconditionally in the Christian marriage.

It is a challenge to show the unconditional love of Christ to anyone that is not displaying care towards you much less your wife whom is overtly disrespecting you and tearing you down; yet how you love your wife is not in response to what she does to and for you, but your unconditional love and care for your wife is in response to what Jesus did through his death and resurrection for you. Colossians 3:23 makes it clear when it states in whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly unto the Lord and not men (your wife). Ephesians 5:25 echoes the same sacrificial heart when it commands that as the husband you are to love your wife as Jesus loved the church so much so that Jesus died for that He loved to sanctify it. Husbands are commanded to show this same agape type of love to their wives for her sanctification. That is the love that loves the unlovely and loves even when rejected. In short if you still have breath in your lungs you have the ability through Christ in you to love your wife and grow in understanding of her even when she is not being respectful or submissive.

The Biblical command in a covenant marriage is to do all things unto God and not man. 1 Peter 3:1 tells wives that are new to the faith but still have unbelieving husbands (who were harsh towards women during that time) to submit to them and let their conduct win them over to the faith. This encourages that even if your husband is harsh, unloving or not understanding Christ in you through your actions and pure conduct will win his heart to surrender to Jesus without you preaching or tearing him down, even if he is a Christian. 1 Peter 4:8 also gives the powerful truth that love covers a multitude of sin so through your love for Christ submitting unto Him loving your spouse unconditionally will in turn allow you to experience the love Christ has for you, which will spill over onto your husband bringing him to the knowledge of his sin and subsequent repentance.

Coming together in unison with a decision in marriage especially, those that involve money and family members are very polarizing conversations and need to be handled with the benefit of both spouses/family in mind. If there is a clear mission that has been set in the marriage then the decision should be made in line with moving that mission of the marriage forward. If there is still conflicting views on the decision, time should be taken by both spouses to review the information and find a way to get to “Yes”. Biblically speaking the husband has the position of the final say given a conflicting decision (Genesis 2:15/18, Ephesians 5:23, 1 Corinthians 11:3) yet the husband should sacrificially find away to keep the Yes “on the table” and get to that Yes for his wife’s benefit. The husband’s God given authority in the decision making process isn’t one of force but of care to move forward God’s mission for the marriage and his wife’s development in her relationship with Christ. As long as the final decision made by the husband is not one of overt sin then, right, wrong or indifferent it is the husband’s God given authority and command to make the call in the rare instances it is in opposition to his wife’s guidance and influence.

This is a very sensitive topic with a lot of layers and no one right answer. Biblically speaking adultery is the only reason listed in the Bible as a cause to divorce your spouse. Situations such as physical abuse, addiction and being abandoned by your spouse all carry legal precedence that you would need to decided if you are willing to forgive and move forward in reconciling if that is even possible given your situation. Divorcing your spouse is outside of God’s design for marriage and He hates it no matter the reason. Yet in cases where your physical safety is at risk or there is infidelity it may be best to separate for a time and seek Christian counseling to see if you and your spouse can repair the marriage covenant. There are multiple present day cases of marriages thriving after the marriage suffers adultery, domestic violence and addiction. Given that your life is not in danger or there has not been adultery you have the commitment unto God to stay in the marriage and work it out with the assistance of professionals and community.

The addition of a child or more children in the marriage is decision that has to be 100% mutual between both spouses and not made under duress. If you and your spouse do not see eye to eye on the numbers of children you will parent it is best to move slow, bring community in and stay in prayer until a final decision is made.